Pop Whore Mix Tape Challenge #1

Children of the late 80's and 90's, you have no idea how easy you have it. Arm yourselves with iTunes, a mouse and about five minutes of modern ADD time, and you’ve got yourself a beautiful mix cd; complete with 2 second gaps between each song, equal sound levels and a hot out of the printer song listing.

Somewhere in between the “back in the day before the Internet” and after the days of “we had to walk 10 miles to school in a snowstorm,” there was a lovely period known as my adolescence in the eighties. God, it was ugly, but that’s sort of beside the point.

In order to make a mix tape (yes, using an actual prehistoric cassette tape - see 8th wonder of the world below) back then, you would need an assload of free time, a double tape deck and tapes. Lots of tapes.

Mix tapes were much more meaningful back then because they were much more of an investment. They were a process. They were an art form. They sort of still are, but long gone are the days of lovely analog hisses and clicks that can be heard when you had to simultaneously press “PLAY” on deck A and “PLAY” and “RECORD” on deck B.

But no matter what, if done right, a good mix tape can be a benchmark in one’s life. For example, I had a ‘67 Mustang in high school, circa 1994-1995. I made a great mix tape for it, complete with new stuff from Weezer, Garbage, Oasis, Nirvana, and so forth. One day, my dad took my car out and when my car was returned to me, gone was my favorite tape. To this day, I like to think that it went to a better place.

Last year, I attempted to recreate the mix, aptly naming it “The Lost Mustang Mix.” And you bet your ass that whenever I hear “Doll Parts” by Hole or “Zombie” by the Cranberries, I’m right back there in AP English or working late into the night photocopying science projects at Kinko’s.

To kick off the Pop Whore Mix Tape Challenge, we decided that we would do a list of 13 songs with proper names in the title. Of course, I couldn’t decide on just 13, so I broke it up into two lists of 13 songs; girls and boys.

For lack of a better term, let’s go to the tapes...

NICK'S GIRLS


Song: Planet Claire
Artist: The B-52's
Album: The B-52's

This song is composed of three elements:

1) A bunch of weird 50's sci-fi sound effects
2) The theme from "Peter Gunn," played note for note
3) Nonsense lyrics

And yet, it's awesome.

Song: Come on Eileen
Artist: Save Ferris
Album: It Means Everything

In spite of my fanatical devotion to the 80s, I had to choose this one over the original, because I still treasure the memory of seeing Save Ferris perform at the Middle East club in Cambridge, Massachusetts and pushing my way to the front of the crowd for this song so I could get close enough to propose to Monique Powell. I didn't quite get the words out, but I think we had an understanding.

Song: Roxanne
Artist: The Police
Album: Outlandos d'Amour

It's still the best song ever made about dating a prostitute, and somehow Sting's inexplicable reggae-singer imitation doesn't ruin it.

Song: Polly
Artist: Nirvana
Album: Nevermind

Not my favorite Nirvana song of all time, but it is the one I play every time I pick up a guitar. Because it's pretty easy. I could show you sometime.

Song: Venus
Artist: Shocking Blue
Album: At Home

Maybe I can't name a single other song by Shocking Blue, and maybe they were slightly overshadowed by that other big Swedish band from the 70s, and maybe the cover is the only version most people know. But the Bananarama version is lame and cheesy (and I say this as someone who thinks Cruel Summer is more or less da bomb). The original is the way to go.

Song: What Sarah Said
Artist: Death Cab For Cutie
Album: Plans

This song is -- to put it mildly -- wicked sad, and Ben Gibbard's lyrics put you right in the middle of everything. It's almost more of a short story with music, but whatever you want to call it, it's pretty damn great. I don't think it's possible to overpraise Death Cab. They really, really know what they're doing.

Song: Lily One
Artist: Matt Pond PA
Album: Four Songs EP

Technically it's in the category of "one of those catchy songs from the OC soundtrack," but it's more than that. It's a really catchy song from the OC soundtrack. And the lyrics, which I think involve seeing a romantic movie for ideas on how to woo a girl, are very charming.

Song: Rio
Artist: Duran Duran
Album: Rio

I don't think I know any other girls named Rio, but I guess that makes the girl this song's about that much more special. The 80s wouldn't be the 80s without her.

Song: Rhiannon
Artist: Fleetwood Mac
Album: Fleetwood Mac

Nobody does hypnotic pop-rock like Fleetwood Mac. I own the album this song comes from on vinyl, and it's probably the best $2 I ever spent at Amoeba.

Song: Buffy Theme
Artist: Nerf Herder
Album: Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV Soundtrack

For years, my Tuesday nights were defined by cranking up the volume on the TV at about 8:02 (right after Buffy had slayed the first monster and made her witty remark) so I could hear every note of this simple yet brilliant composition, the perfect anthem to youth, sarcasm, and killing things with pointy sticks.

Song: String Bean Jean
Artist: Belle and Sebastian
Album: Dog On Wheels

I'm pretty sure no one but B&S could throw the line "Did I tell you 'bout the one I know, she's on the rag" into a song without sacrificing at least a little bit of their charm.

Song: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
Artist: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Album: Four Way Street

Though I'm (thankfully) about nine years too young to have actually been conceived at Woodstock, I still heard records like this throughout my formative years. So it's pretty remarkable that this song, among others, survived my initial rejection of "that stuff my parents listen to" and grew to be a legitimate favorite.

Song: My Sharona
Artist: The Knack
Album: Get The Knack

I don't think of The Knack as a one-hit wonder; rather, I prefer to imagine that they channeled so much kick-assitude into this one song that there was no reason to try to duplicate it.

ETI'S BOYS


Song: Billy Liar
Artist: The Decemberists
Album: Her Majesty

Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets /
Staring over at the neighbor's, knickers down

A Decemberists song about teen angst and masturbation with a kick ass chorus! Colin Meloy is brilliantly hot. Not sure if the song has anything to do with the movie, but it’s quite possible.

Song: David Duchovny
Artist: Bree Sharp
Album: Cheap and Evil Girl

Sitting like a mindless clone, wishing he would tap my phone /
Just to hear the breath of the man, the myth, the monotone

Bree Sharp howling about wanting David Duchovny. A girl after my own heart. I spent many a night imagining myself alone in a cold room with Fox Mulder and his bottom lip.

The other great thing about this song is that she sings about watching The X-Files on Friday nights like a true fan. I was once one of those people...then Chris Carter got greedy and the show became more wretched than a public port-o-potty at Woodstock ‘99.

Song: Forgot About Dre
Artist: Dr. Dre featuring Eminem
Album: 2001

Did ya'll think I'm gonna let my dough freeze /
Ho Please /
You better bow down on both knees

Dre makes a comeback and has a nice message for all the haters: “fuck y’all, all y’all.” Enough said. I also thought this song would give me some street cred. Word, bitches!

Song: Hey Jupiter
Artist: Tori Amos
Album: Boys For Pele

No one’s picking up the phone /
Guess it’s me and me

Tori Amos once said that a ghost sang this song to her when she was involved in a love triangle. I tend to get a sense of unease and alienation when I listen to it.

Tori Amos writes the most eccentrically sexual lyrics and is totally trippy. Case in point: the inside album artwork features her breast feeding a piglet. Not really a fan of her new stuff, but Boys For Pele, Little Earthquakes and Under The Pink remain some of my favorite albums to this day.

Song: Jimmy
Artist: The Living End
Album: Modern ARTillery

Jimmy told of those who were jaded /
Their colors had faded /
Like they didn’t belong

“Jimmy” is a great song about struggle and injustice that you can totally rock out to.

The Living End is a great Australian band that can be found where Rockabilly and Punk intersect. Think Brian Setzer meets Green Day. They also happen to be an amazing live band. I got to see them at the Roxy about five years ago and they were brilliant. Their new album is due out in the states soon.

Song: Joe
Artist: The Cranberries
Album: To The Faithful Departed

I still recall you /
I see you in the summer

A really sweet and simple song that Dolores O Riordan penned about her grandfather. My grandfather’s name was Joseph and I’d see him in the summer. He died when I was eleven.

Song: Joey
Artist: Concrete Blonde
Album: Bloodletting

I know you’ve heard it all before /
So I don’t say it anymore /
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war

I always thought this song was about alcoholism. Then this guy I used to know once proposed that this song was about being in the closet and that Joey was really a girl. He was full of shit.

Johnette Napolitano herself said that the song was about Wall Of Voodoo’s Marc Moreland, who died in 2002 of complications from a liver transplant. “That was the last vocal on that album, and I had to write the words in the cab on the way to the studio. I knew I had a lot to express in that song and it was very painful to do so. I put it off until the very last minute.”

I can listen to “Joey” 100 times consecutively and never get sick of it. I love Concrete Blonde so much in fact that I had to break the rules of the mix tape challenge by using three of their songs. Read on.

Song: Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard
Artist: Paul Simon
Album: Paul Simon

Well I’m on my way /
I don’t know where I’m going /
I’m on my way /
I’m taking my time but I don’t know where

Truman Capote said this song was about a homosexual experience in the schoolyard. But Paul Simon said that he has no idea what it was that mama saw.

Regardless, this song has a great sound, rhythm and is still the best song to whistle to. Ever.

Song: Mr. Bojangles (Cover)
Artist: Nina Simone
Album: Here Comes The Sun

He spoke with tears of 15 years of how his dog and him just traveled about /
His dog up and died, he up and died, and after 20 years he still grieves

Two words: Nina Simone. God, she was good. Her cover of Dylan’s Mr. Bojangles breaks my heart every single time I listen to it. It’s one of the sweetest bittersweet songs ever recorded.

Song: Mr. Jones
Artist: Counting Crows
Album: August And Everything After

Believe in me /
Help me believe in anything /
‘Cause I want to be someone who believes

In the nineties, there was a rumor circulating that Mr. Jones was really about Adam Duritz’s penis. I was never really sure what the song was about, but I knew I loved it.

Mr. Jones is about Adam Duritz’s friend and former bandmate, Marty Jones, with whom he shared his dreams of stardom. The cool thing is when the Counting Crows play Mr. Jones live these days, Adam Duritz changes the lyrics because he no longer wants what he once did now that he’s achieved it.

Song: Tea For Tillerman
Artist: Cat Stevens
Album: Tea For Tillerman

Seagulls sing your hearts away /
'Cause while the sinners sin, the children play

If you’ve never seen “Harold and Maude,” I feel sorry for you. Really, really sorry for you. This song clocks in at 1:01, but it’s basically just the tip of the iceberg. Cat Stevens at his best.

Song: Vincent
Artist: Don McLean
Album: American Pie

Starry, starry night /
portraits hung in empty halls /
Frameless heads on nameless walls /
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget

My fifth grade teacher was sort of obsessed with Vincent Van Gogh. So much so that he once put together a slide show of all of Van Gogh’s most famous art work and played this song to it. Of course, this was in 1989, when you actually had to manually set up the slides, synch up the tape recorder with the slide projector and forward the slides by hand. Suffice to say, the song made an impact.

It’s a beautiful song written, sung and performed by Don McLean that’s as close to a love song about people who were misunderstood and ahead of their time as you’re going to get. McLean’s lyrics are so descriptive that you can almost see the paintings as he sings and it’ll break your heart each time.

Song: What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?
Artist: R.E.M.
Album: Monster

I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed /
I thought I'd pegged you an idiot's dream /
Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen

In 1986, CBS news anchor Dan Rather was walking down Park Avenue in Manhattan, when some guy punched him from behind and threw him to the ground. The guy beat and kicked him while yelling "Kenneth, what is the frequency?"

Turned out that Rather’s assailant, William Tager, believed that “the media had him under surveillance and were beaming hostile messages to him.” Tager ended up killing an NBC stagehand in 1994 outside the Today Show studio and is now serving a 25 year sentence in prison.

I have no idea what Michael Stipe says half the time, but it still makes me want to sing along.

Check back with us soon for the rest of our list...Nick's boys, my girls. If you think you can do better, e-mail us or post a comment. Otherwise, obey.

Snap Judgment: Paul Walker, Take 2

Another banner February weekend awaits us. Let's spin the IMDB wheel and see what we've got.


Madea's Family Reunion (comedy, rated PG-13, written/directed by Tyler Perry)

Oh, so that dude made another movie. Um, good for him. I somehow missed "Diary of a Mad Black Woman," so I'll have to sit this one out because I'm sure I'd never be able to follow the plot. Apparently, these movies have been heavily promoted at black "megachurches," which makes them kind of like Passion of the Christ except with different kinds of torture.

P.S. It co-stars Maya Angelou? How did she get in there? She must have jimmied the lock on the security gate and broken out of the Oprah compound.

Doogal (animation, rated G, directed by Jean Duval, Dave Borthwick, Frank Passingham)

Since splitting off from Disney, the Weinstein brothers have released two animated features on their own. The first one was Hoodwinked; this is the second. Except you haven't heard of either of them, probably because Harvey strangled his head of advertising the first week the company was open and forgot to hire a replacement. Anyway, I'm sure this will do big money on DVD, since the title is guaranteed to snag the coveted 6 month to 2 years old demographic. Example: "Hey kids, what movie would you like mommy to put on the TV in lieu of paying attention to you?" Kid 1: "DOOGAL!" Kid 2: "DOOGAL!" Kid 3: "MULHOLLAND DRIVE!" Well, there's hope for one of them.


Running Scared (thriller, rated R, written/directed by Wayne Kramer)

Now here's a movie whose primary method of promotion was through a dirty internet game. What if it makes a ton of money as a result? Will we be subjected to dirty internet games hyping, say, the next Big Momma's House? Or Merchant Ivory films? I'm not sure this was a good door to open. Please, nobody see this movie so we don't have to worry about those possibilities. I want to be able to start up Firefox in the morning without seeing a pop-up ad inviting me to play "Hide the Weasel" with Pixar characters.

This just in: The Daily Show is funny

Except the guy who's, like, the governor of Illi-freaking-nois didn't know that.

Seriously.

Pop Whore Time Capsule: A Letter To“TI”

Back in the innocent days of ought-three, before you came to know and love us as Pop Whore, Nick and I were two endearingly sexy dorks who met through mutual friends at a birthday party and bonded over television, sarcasm and the brilliance of David Lynch’s masterful “Mulholland Drive.”

Three years later, not much has changed.

Over the long weekend, I was rifling through some as yet-unpacked boxes (which I’m guessing will remain unpacked forever, thus becoming the proverbial “boxes that I haven’t unpacked yet”) and came across a lovely semi-open/unsent letter to the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino, co-written by Nick and I on the road trip back from Las Vegas in the summer of 2004.

Besides obvious highway hypnotic boredom, the driving force/main motivation for writing this letter was outright fury that the awesome pirate show had been replaced by a tacky show about a siren’s song. Read: scantily clad girls tittering their saline filled mammary glands to entice and ultimately destroy hapless, shirtless men in bandanas.

I don’t know about you, but if that had been the premise of “The Goonies," I would have offed myself by the ripe old age of eight.

And remember the awesome pirate skull sign?

It became this hideous monstrosity:


Anyway, in a preemptive strike against blindness and a catatonic stupor from trying to decipher our handwriting, I opted to transcribe said letter for you...

Case in point:

I would, however, like to preface this letter by saying that it was written in a back and forth motion from the front to backseat of a Honda on the 15 freeway after two debaucherously sleepless nights in Vegas, during which we had our “nice Catholic girl” friend convinced that we were getting a call girl for a raunchy foursome.

What you are about to read has not been altered it in any way, shape or form. My parts are normal, Nick's parts are italicized.

Dear “TI”

(AKA, once cool themed hotel, but now tacky piece of shit)

Let me preface this by admitting that I once sat through almost the entire movie “Dirty Work.” Yes, the one directed by Bob Saget. That said, a hundred horrible Norm MacDonald vehicles could never compare to the fantastically putrid mass of rodent shit that your hotel put on stage last night.

Last year, we visited Las Vegas, only to find that your outdoor show was on hiatus due to “renovations.” Upon returning to Las Vegas this past weekend, I was devastated to find that your pirate ship was painted in the queerest shades of pink and purple and the British ship replaced by a red-masted skull/bull-shit, I mean, ship. Not only that, but the sign that mascots your hotel is possibly the gaudiest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on, and I’m from L.A..

Seriously, I never realized how un-cheesy all the shows at Disneyland were. You have taken the idea of offensively tacky tourist-trap entertainment to a disturbing new level. But at least the stuff at Disney is wholesome and family-friendly, as disgustingly pedestrian and silly as it may be. You have shown that offensively tacky and offensive, period, can coexist peacefully.

If you’re trying to make your hotel/casino more adult-oriented, the least you could’ve done is made “Siren’s Cove” into the “Island of Lesbos” and given us something more interesting to watch – or at least distracted us visually from the gut-wrenching dialogue, song and dance, and basically non-existent storyline. My boyfriend (Eti’s note - now ex) commented that he’s seen better plot lines in raunchy porn, and rightly so!

And my other boyfriend, I mean my platonic non-boyfriend, said that whoever created the show should be required to sit through every performance of it for the rest of his/her/its life. Here’s a hint: next time, don’t write the script while taking a crap, especially when the finished product of both is already so hard to tell apart.

And if you think adding some half-assed quasi fireworks at the end will make up for the eight minutes of life that I lost, you’re sadly mistaken. I never thought Vegas could exhibit such low quality production value. Even the call girl I was with last night was a better dancer/actor. If only your “sirens” could've recreated the sex scene from Mulholland Drive like she did, your hotel wouldn’t have to try so desperately to make more money and target a more adult audience.

So send your “talented cast” back to Hollywood Boulevard to resume turning tricks, and hire some boys and girls who know what the hell they’re doing.

FIN.

If you’re a masochist or simply feeling masochistic, please click the “Siren’s Website” to witness said idiocy for yourselves.

And if you really, really like pain, download the free screen saver.

And if you really, really, really like pain, give me a call so we can agree on a safe word before I come over.

Snap Judgment: Special Idiot Box Edition

Avoiding the movie theaters isn't enough. Thanks to vertical integration, conglomeration, oligarchization, and other made-up (but perfectly cromulent) words, the very same Hollywood studios that are trying to turn your brain to soy with their so-called feature films now have the power to target you at home. You thought you were safe as long as you stayed on your comfy yet affordable Ektorp sofa from Ikea? Think again.

In the interest of fairness, equal time, and so forth, we'll give each network a shot at impressing us. First up...


Conviction (NBC, legal drama, created by Dick Wolf)

Do you like Law & Order? Obviously you do, because it's launched as many spinoffs as Dick Wolf has extra pockets to hold his checks. Conviction is a spinoff of one of the spinoffs, since it stars Stephanie March of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (which, let's face it, they should just be frank and call "Law & Order: Semen Found In Skull Cavity"), reprising her role as Assistant DA Alexandra Cabot. It also features Eric Balfour, or "Hey! It's That Disaffected Youth!" (even though Fametracker hasn't officially crowned him as such), and many others in its "hot, young cast." (Yes, that's the exact phrasing NBC uses. I kid you not.) Because this isn't just one hot, young D.A. in the midst of a bunch of cops. No, this is a whole team of hot, young D.As. Will they solve hot, edgy crimes? Will they butt heads with older, more "experienced" crimesolvers who dismiss them as amateurs? Will they hook up with one another as often as a 10PM timeslot and TV-14 rating will allow them? Well, if you want to know the answers you'll just have to wait until March 3rd... except, not really. You can download the whole pilot episode for free from the iTunes Music Store right now. And I'm sure you will.


The Evidence (ABC, criminal procedural, created by Sam Baum and Dustin Thomason)

Have you seen the commercial for this? Here's the deal. A crime is committed. They show you all the evidence at the beginning. Then you get to solve the case along with the detectives! One of them is Orlando Jones! (And I totally just typed "Orlando Bloom" there and didn't notice for at least a minute.) Well, call me a whiner if you must, but if I'm going to watch a procedural show, I'd prefer to just sit back on the aforementioned Ektorp, watch the good-looking people on the screen do their well-photographed magic, and limit my personal involvement in the goings-on to maybe consuming a Guinness. What's next, a new version of Gilmore Girls where I'm supposed to solve Rory's school/relationship problems? I'm sorry, but this kind of thing just doesn't work for me and not even the guy who put the 7-Up machine in the middle of the freeway is going to talk me out of it.


The New Adventures of Old Christine (CBS, comedy, created by Kari Lizer)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus once again tries her best to reverse the Seinfeld curse. My guess? She won't. Not with that #1 Mom mug. And CBS, trying to stay ahead of the early-cancellation game, will pull the plug about 47 seconds into the show, while the first blast of digitized laughter is still echoing on the soundtrack. Fair enough. It doesn't sound that good. Sorry, Julia. Why don't you take your own advice from that episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm and do a cable show so you can say "fuck"? I think that would be a lot better.

The Loop (Fox, comedy, created by Pam Brady and Will Gluck)

Holy crap, Fox caught Philip Baker Hall in their deadly Philip Baker Hall trap! Chew your paw off, Philip! Don't let them take you alive! They've got Mimi Rogers and the kid who played Seth Cohen's annoyingly unfunny rival! Seriously, get the hell out of there before one of them converts you to Scientology and the other one chews you up with the scenery!


Survival of the Richest (The WB, reality)

So... it's like Beauty and the Geek. Except instead of hot/nerdy, it's rich/poor. The poor kids have a chance to get out of debt and advance to a better standard of living. The rich kids have a chance to be on TV and have millions of people know how rich they are.* I have a chance to watch other shows. Everyone's a winner!

*Will they use last names? Are any of them worried about being kidnapped by Columbian drug lords? Just wondering.


Black.White. (FX, reality)

Ah, what a ripe opportunity for a commentary on the state of race relations in America. Or to humiliate a couple of otherwise well-meaning families. Or maybe both? I guess we'll see. I do know that Ice Cube produced a new single and music video "inspired by" the show. Isn't that great? He creates a reality show, then heads to the lab to spin some dope beats. That's pretty much what we do at Pop Whore too. Except, you know, our beats are more on the sarcastic tip. That doesn't make them any less dope, though. Right? Right? Can I go to bed now?

Snap Judgment: Sleuth, Spoof, Woof

Time to make the donuts! Hit me, IMDB Now Playing man...



Freedomland (mystery/thriller, rated R, directed by Joe Roth, written by Richard Price)

Doesn't the poster make it seem like they're looking for aliens? I think a movie about Samuel L. Jackson hunting aliens would be great. He'd be like, "Don't drip your green plasma goo on my leg and tell me it's rainin', motherfucker! Tell me where the damn ship's at!" But then later he'd easily switch over to a laid back improv style and trade some witty batter about alien technology with some scientist dude. Yes, I think I'd see that movie. But trade all that fun stuff for a bunch of shots of Julianne Moore looking concerned? I realize that she tends to view her movies as a perpetual Mardi Gras in terms of toplessness, but it's going to take a lot more than that to convince me.


Date Movie (parody, rated PG13, written and directed by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer)

Is it possible to say anything funny about a comedy that spoofs other comedies? Probably not. But at least the rest of you can make fun of me for admitting that I'm thinking about seeing this -- and perhaps attempting to drag Eti -- just because it stars Alyson Hannigan.


Eight Below (snowy adventure, rated PG, directed by Frank Marshall, written by David DiGilio)

Inspired by a true story, eh? Isn't that the most ingenious phrase ever invented? Because anything can inspire a story. Here's an example. It was cold this morning when I was walking up the street to my building. I bundled up with my coat. I saw someone walking a dog. I remembered how snowy it gets in the winter in Boston. Voila. Now I can make the exact same movie and say it was also inspired by a true story. Except mine won't have the words "Amazing," "Disney," or "Paul Walker" anywhere on the poster. And by the way, is it just me or is the dog on Paul's left kind of making eyes at him?

We missed you too.

But we're back with Season 2, Episode 4... the first episode of Mutually Forced Movie Month. I forced Eti to watch The Rock and she forced me to watch Beaches. I won't spoil the results, but let's just say it was pretty much a fair trade. Also included are our thoughts on the latest chapter of Final Destination (obviously wasn't all that final), Imagine Me & You, and some other recent events that we've previously blogged about.

Download Season 2, Episode 4 right here.

Then use the comments link to explain whether you'd rather spend 2 hours with guns blazing on Alcatraz or egos blazing in late 80's New York.

Will You Share My V.D.?

We at Pop Whore love you.

A lot.
We may even love you more than we love the poster of the cat falling out of a tree that reads "Hang In There."

We also love Tetris and watching stupid girls eat floor.

Hearts, cupids, flowers, candy, kitty cats and all that shit.

Happy V.D. from your Pop Whoresters.

East Vs. West: Chronicles of Narnia or Color Me Mine?

Thanks to Robert and Reena, who both have blogs, but either never post or have recently succumbed to the allure of the "Delete This Blog" button...I'm happy to share the following videos...

Despite its total suckiness, Saturday Night Live apparently still has like one or two viewers. Said one or two viewers saw a shiny glimmer of hope in the “Lazy Sunday” short that Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg did, posted it on the Internet and turned it into a cult hit.

Accordingly, nice Jewish boys Mark Feuerstein and Adam Stein did a west coast parody called “Lazy Monday.”

I think they’re both awesome, but I’ll let the videos speak for themselves...

Snap Judgment: Been There, Done That

This week, Hollywood's relentless pursuit of the derivative is laid particularly bare. It must be February. IMDB Now Playing, show us your stuff.


Firewall (thriller, rated R, directed by Richard Loncraine, written by Joe Forte)

Hey folks, Harrison Ford here. Nick has generously allowed me to take over this portion of Snap Judgment to talk to you about a few things. Now, I know there's some talk about how I'm over the hill, my best work's behind me, and so forth. And yeah, I did Hollywood Homicide a few years ago, but I can explain. There was some stuff going on between Calista and me back then, and we were having a fight, and I said why won't you just eat something for Christ's sake and she said if you do a movie with Josh Hartnett I'll clean my plate at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. And no, I didn't really.... yeah, okay, fine, I believed her. We were in the chopper and it's hard to pick up sarcastic nuances over the rotor. Now that that's cleared up, I'd like to invite you to come see my new movie Firewall. It might just seem like another $20 million paycheck to many of you, but look at that supporting cast! We've got the chick from the wine movie! She was pretty good talking about her feelings over Pinot Noir and everything, but she plays the shit out of a "Do what they say or they'll take the children!" scene, let me tell you. They won't steal that Oscar from her this time! Anyway, please come see the movie. I don't know if this $20-million-a-flick deal is going to hold up much longer.



Final Destination 3 (horror, rated R, directed by James Wong, written by James Wong & Glen Morgan)

Even though we at Pop Whore may appear ridiculously narrow-minded when it comes to movie selection, especially based on this here column, it really doesn't take that much to please us. Make a movie about a bunch of dumb teenagers dying in really complex, interesting chain-reaction type ways, and we're there. Make the sequel, and we're still there. Hell, we're even there the third time, as evidenced by our plans to attend this very film tonight. Note to MTV people: if the kids on Laguna Beach were falling off roller coasters to their death every week, I'd totally be a regular viewer.



The Pink Panther (comedy, rated PG, directed by Shawn Levy, written by Len Blum, Steve Martin, Michael Saltzman)

You guys. Blake Edwards is still alive. Have you no shame? Really.


Curious George (animation, rated G, directed by Matthew O'Callaghan, written by committee)

That's okay. I didn't need those nice early childhood memories of my Curious George storybooks. Go ahead and bend them over the kitchen counter and have your way with them. No problem. I'm good. It's nothing a few years of expensive therapy won't take care of.

An Evening With Sarah Vowell II: Vowell Sounds

It wouldn't be Pop Whore without a little bootleg video, right?

Click here to download about a minute's worth of Sarah reading from Assassination Vacation (WMV format).

An Evening With Sarah Vowell

Please don't say "Who's that?" or I'll have to seriously kick your ass. For the rest who know and love her and thus escape my wrath, be assured that she did not disappoint. And I could say a lot more, but writing an essay about seeing Sarah Vowell is sort of like writing a guitar solo about a Jimi Hendrix concert. In other words: a little intimidating. Nonetheless, I will mention that she read one of the most hilarious passages of Assassination Vacation, followed by her recent New York Times op-ed column -- which, I'm willing to bet, is the only criticism of governmental ethics in that paper that manages to incorporate a shout-out to Television Without Pity.

After the readings came the Q&A session. Now, if you've ever been in a Q&A session before, you know how annoying it is when people ask moronic questions but the speaker tries really, really hard to treat each one as valid and intelligent. Fortunately, Sarah totally doesn't do this. She has no qualms about taking the piss out of people who ask dumb questions. Because she might seem petite and demure on the outside, but verbally she could kill you ten times before you hit the ground. And the best part: she'd do it very politely.

Now for the pictures. Most, if not all, of these were taken by Eti -- because she's the one with the photography skillz, and I was far too entranced to remember how to use the camera. By the way, if you're interested, here's a list of Sarah's upcoming appearances.

The Attorneys (but not the evil kind)

Posting the Jenny Lewis video has brought PW a bit more attention from the musical community, so we figured we might as well post about bands more often... especially the ones that have been nice enough to e-mail us.

The Attorneys are one such band; plus, I had already discovered them on You Ain't No Picasso last year, so when I got their email I knew they were bona fide musicians and not some scary Brioni-suited guys from Century City trying to serve me a cease and desist letter. Not that we've gotten any of those yet (knock wood).

Anyway, these guys have turned out some highly catchy pop/rock tunes that are well worth a listen. Click away on the links below, and if you like what you hear, check out their site for info on their full debut album.

The Attorneys - Talk About It (MP3)
The Attorneys - Stay (MP3)

Snap Judgment: Don't answer the phone, it's McCarthy!

Friday already? Need more excuses to stay home and spackle? Look no further.



When a Stranger Calls (horror, rated R, directed by Simon West, written by Jake Wade Wall)

I would totally see this if I could guarantee that I'd be in a theater with a bunch of clueless girls who had never seen a horror movie before. This would also be the only time when I would have no problem with others talking in the theater. Because there could be conversations like this:

Girl 1: Who do you think that guy who keeps calling her is?
Girl 2: I don't know. I get wrong numbers all the time. Like when I was waiting for a call from Stacy? And I kept picking up the phone and just hearing someone breathing?
Girl 1: Oh my god, ick. Like, breathe somewhere else, okay?
Girl 2: You know, why doesn't she just check the children? When you're babysitting you're totally supposed to do that.
Girl 1: Yeah. I totally always do that. Except the other night, when that little shit Spencer was crying and I had literally just done my nails, so not like I could have picked him up anyway.
Girl 2: I'm going to text Katie to see if she's seen this.
Girl 1: Ooh, maybe she can tell us who that guy is.


Something New (romantic comedy, rated PG-13, directed by Sanaa Hamri, written by Kriss Turner)

The press materials say this is a "romantic comedy about finding love where it's least expected." And apparently, a blind date qualifies as that "least expected" place. Having been on some almost-blind dates, I will grant you that it's not where you'd most expect to find love, but I think it's still pretty far ahead of other places, such as:

• the inside of a Pepto Bismol bottle
• between the fourth and fifth vertebrae of a walrus
• the little miniature plastic table-looking thing they put in the middle of Domino's pizzas
• the nucleus of a Deuteronium atom

Make me a movie about finding love in one of those, and then maybe I'll show up, if I'm not busy.

Good Night, and Good Luck. (news/biopic, rated PG, directed by George Clooney, written by Clooney & Grant Heslov)

Okay, full disclosure, I saw this months ago. And therefore I can tell you that although its marketing campaign and subject matter seem designed to scare off anyone under 90, it's actually really good. Funny thing that I didn't make up: they use actual footage of Joe McCarthy in the movie, but in test screenings people assumed it was an actor and complained that he was way over the top. Ahhh, McCarthy. If there had been an Oprah in his time, he would have made couch-jumping look passe.

Podcaster? I hardly know 'er!

This week we finish up Noir Month with our takes on Double Indemnity and Body Heat, preview our next theme month (for which we're extremely psyched), and share some tidbits about the Colin Meloy and Watson Twins shows we saw in the past week.

Download Pop Whore Season 2, Episode 3 right here.

Then use the comments area to confess to us that you are indeed Julia, the sweet-looking girl who totally hocked a loogey in line at the El Rey. Yeah, you know who you are. And EVERYONE saw. Next time find a more private place to do your business.

Secret Jenny Lewis My Space Show Pictures

Here are some pictures from the MySpace secret Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins / The Elected show at the Hotel Cafe this past Sunday night.

The show was unbelievably incredible and I plan to keep plugging "Rabbit Fur Coat" until your eyes bleed, because it's that good.

Okay...so, without further adieu, here are the visuals...

NOT THAT THEY'RE GREAT, BUT PLEASE DO NOT USE THESE IMAGES WITHOUT PERMISSION.

We also got these awesome silkscreen posters!

Thanks again to Dodge over at My Old Kentucky Blog for the link and sense of humor.