Snap Judgment

No time to waste! Some of these movies really suck!


Street Kings (rated R, directed by David Ayer, screenplay by James Ellroy and Kurt Wimmer and Jamie Moss, story by James Ellroy)

Well, maybe not this one. The filmmakers seem to have averted disaster by throwing in a few reputable actors (plus Keanu Reeves) and coughing up enough cash for a script by James Ellroy (actually, forget cash; he probably insisted on being paid in vintage 1940s snuff films). Because, can't we all imagine a film of this very same title, featuring a much smaller budget and starring only Common and The Game, without any of those other people? Of course we can. Those movies are everywhere! Directed by a three-time Video Music Award winner, featuring an original orchestral score by Smakk Foozee, and edited by somebody's nephew who got a fancy laptop for Christmas. This film might be better than those, but its poster certainly isn't... I mean, what is that, a giant inkblot? Did they have to cut costs at the last minute and re-use marketing materials from Rorschach: The Man Behind The Test?




Prom Night (rated PG-13, directed by Nelson McCormick, written by J.S. Cardone)

I think it's fair to say that this movie is a perfect demonstration of the absolute incompetence of the studio executives involved. Seriously. Do they think flocks of teenagers will just show up at any old film that has multiple gory deaths and occasional dry humping? No, they most certainly will not. They have standards. They have criteria. They are not going to shell out $10 of their parents' hard-earned money to see some thrown-together crapfest unless it stars at least one cast member from The Hills. It really is remarkable how out of touch the people behind those studio gates can be.

Smart People (rated R, directed by Noam Murro, written by Mark Poirier)

Here's what happen when you call a movie "Smart People."

1. Dumb people won't want to see it. There goes 63% of your box office.

2. Smart people who do see it will quickly realize that it's mistitled, and that the Scrabble(TM) reference on the poster is just a ruse.

3. Thomas Haden Church will whip it out at some point during filming. (Though, apparently, that happens often with him.)