Snap Judgment: Been There, Done That

This week, Hollywood's relentless pursuit of the derivative is laid particularly bare. It must be February. IMDB Now Playing, show us your stuff.


Firewall (thriller, rated R, directed by Richard Loncraine, written by Joe Forte)

Hey folks, Harrison Ford here. Nick has generously allowed me to take over this portion of Snap Judgment to talk to you about a few things. Now, I know there's some talk about how I'm over the hill, my best work's behind me, and so forth. And yeah, I did Hollywood Homicide a few years ago, but I can explain. There was some stuff going on between Calista and me back then, and we were having a fight, and I said why won't you just eat something for Christ's sake and she said if you do a movie with Josh Hartnett I'll clean my plate at Ruth's Chris Steakhouse. And no, I didn't really.... yeah, okay, fine, I believed her. We were in the chopper and it's hard to pick up sarcastic nuances over the rotor. Now that that's cleared up, I'd like to invite you to come see my new movie Firewall. It might just seem like another $20 million paycheck to many of you, but look at that supporting cast! We've got the chick from the wine movie! She was pretty good talking about her feelings over Pinot Noir and everything, but she plays the shit out of a "Do what they say or they'll take the children!" scene, let me tell you. They won't steal that Oscar from her this time! Anyway, please come see the movie. I don't know if this $20-million-a-flick deal is going to hold up much longer.



Final Destination 3 (horror, rated R, directed by James Wong, written by James Wong & Glen Morgan)

Even though we at Pop Whore may appear ridiculously narrow-minded when it comes to movie selection, especially based on this here column, it really doesn't take that much to please us. Make a movie about a bunch of dumb teenagers dying in really complex, interesting chain-reaction type ways, and we're there. Make the sequel, and we're still there. Hell, we're even there the third time, as evidenced by our plans to attend this very film tonight. Note to MTV people: if the kids on Laguna Beach were falling off roller coasters to their death every week, I'd totally be a regular viewer.



The Pink Panther (comedy, rated PG, directed by Shawn Levy, written by Len Blum, Steve Martin, Michael Saltzman)

You guys. Blake Edwards is still alive. Have you no shame? Really.


Curious George (animation, rated G, directed by Matthew O'Callaghan, written by committee)

That's okay. I didn't need those nice early childhood memories of my Curious George storybooks. Go ahead and bend them over the kitchen counter and have your way with them. No problem. I'm good. It's nothing a few years of expensive therapy won't take care of.