Pop Whore Mix Tape Challenge #1

Children of the late 80's and 90's, you have no idea how easy you have it. Arm yourselves with iTunes, a mouse and about five minutes of modern ADD time, and you’ve got yourself a beautiful mix cd; complete with 2 second gaps between each song, equal sound levels and a hot out of the printer song listing.

Somewhere in between the “back in the day before the Internet” and after the days of “we had to walk 10 miles to school in a snowstorm,” there was a lovely period known as my adolescence in the eighties. God, it was ugly, but that’s sort of beside the point.

In order to make a mix tape (yes, using an actual prehistoric cassette tape - see 8th wonder of the world below) back then, you would need an assload of free time, a double tape deck and tapes. Lots of tapes.

Mix tapes were much more meaningful back then because they were much more of an investment. They were a process. They were an art form. They sort of still are, but long gone are the days of lovely analog hisses and clicks that can be heard when you had to simultaneously press “PLAY” on deck A and “PLAY” and “RECORD” on deck B.

But no matter what, if done right, a good mix tape can be a benchmark in one’s life. For example, I had a ‘67 Mustang in high school, circa 1994-1995. I made a great mix tape for it, complete with new stuff from Weezer, Garbage, Oasis, Nirvana, and so forth. One day, my dad took my car out and when my car was returned to me, gone was my favorite tape. To this day, I like to think that it went to a better place.

Last year, I attempted to recreate the mix, aptly naming it “The Lost Mustang Mix.” And you bet your ass that whenever I hear “Doll Parts” by Hole or “Zombie” by the Cranberries, I’m right back there in AP English or working late into the night photocopying science projects at Kinko’s.

To kick off the Pop Whore Mix Tape Challenge, we decided that we would do a list of 13 songs with proper names in the title. Of course, I couldn’t decide on just 13, so I broke it up into two lists of 13 songs; girls and boys.

For lack of a better term, let’s go to the tapes...

NICK'S GIRLS


Song: Planet Claire
Artist: The B-52's
Album: The B-52's

This song is composed of three elements:

1) A bunch of weird 50's sci-fi sound effects
2) The theme from "Peter Gunn," played note for note
3) Nonsense lyrics

And yet, it's awesome.

Song: Come on Eileen
Artist: Save Ferris
Album: It Means Everything

In spite of my fanatical devotion to the 80s, I had to choose this one over the original, because I still treasure the memory of seeing Save Ferris perform at the Middle East club in Cambridge, Massachusetts and pushing my way to the front of the crowd for this song so I could get close enough to propose to Monique Powell. I didn't quite get the words out, but I think we had an understanding.

Song: Roxanne
Artist: The Police
Album: Outlandos d'Amour

It's still the best song ever made about dating a prostitute, and somehow Sting's inexplicable reggae-singer imitation doesn't ruin it.

Song: Polly
Artist: Nirvana
Album: Nevermind

Not my favorite Nirvana song of all time, but it is the one I play every time I pick up a guitar. Because it's pretty easy. I could show you sometime.

Song: Venus
Artist: Shocking Blue
Album: At Home

Maybe I can't name a single other song by Shocking Blue, and maybe they were slightly overshadowed by that other big Swedish band from the 70s, and maybe the cover is the only version most people know. But the Bananarama version is lame and cheesy (and I say this as someone who thinks Cruel Summer is more or less da bomb). The original is the way to go.

Song: What Sarah Said
Artist: Death Cab For Cutie
Album: Plans

This song is -- to put it mildly -- wicked sad, and Ben Gibbard's lyrics put you right in the middle of everything. It's almost more of a short story with music, but whatever you want to call it, it's pretty damn great. I don't think it's possible to overpraise Death Cab. They really, really know what they're doing.

Song: Lily One
Artist: Matt Pond PA
Album: Four Songs EP

Technically it's in the category of "one of those catchy songs from the OC soundtrack," but it's more than that. It's a really catchy song from the OC soundtrack. And the lyrics, which I think involve seeing a romantic movie for ideas on how to woo a girl, are very charming.

Song: Rio
Artist: Duran Duran
Album: Rio

I don't think I know any other girls named Rio, but I guess that makes the girl this song's about that much more special. The 80s wouldn't be the 80s without her.

Song: Rhiannon
Artist: Fleetwood Mac
Album: Fleetwood Mac

Nobody does hypnotic pop-rock like Fleetwood Mac. I own the album this song comes from on vinyl, and it's probably the best $2 I ever spent at Amoeba.

Song: Buffy Theme
Artist: Nerf Herder
Album: Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV Soundtrack

For years, my Tuesday nights were defined by cranking up the volume on the TV at about 8:02 (right after Buffy had slayed the first monster and made her witty remark) so I could hear every note of this simple yet brilliant composition, the perfect anthem to youth, sarcasm, and killing things with pointy sticks.

Song: String Bean Jean
Artist: Belle and Sebastian
Album: Dog On Wheels

I'm pretty sure no one but B&S could throw the line "Did I tell you 'bout the one I know, she's on the rag" into a song without sacrificing at least a little bit of their charm.

Song: Suite: Judy Blue Eyes
Artist: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young
Album: Four Way Street

Though I'm (thankfully) about nine years too young to have actually been conceived at Woodstock, I still heard records like this throughout my formative years. So it's pretty remarkable that this song, among others, survived my initial rejection of "that stuff my parents listen to" and grew to be a legitimate favorite.

Song: My Sharona
Artist: The Knack
Album: Get The Knack

I don't think of The Knack as a one-hit wonder; rather, I prefer to imagine that they channeled so much kick-assitude into this one song that there was no reason to try to duplicate it.

ETI'S BOYS


Song: Billy Liar
Artist: The Decemberists
Album: Her Majesty

Billy Liar's got his hands in his pockets /
Staring over at the neighbor's, knickers down

A Decemberists song about teen angst and masturbation with a kick ass chorus! Colin Meloy is brilliantly hot. Not sure if the song has anything to do with the movie, but it’s quite possible.

Song: David Duchovny
Artist: Bree Sharp
Album: Cheap and Evil Girl

Sitting like a mindless clone, wishing he would tap my phone /
Just to hear the breath of the man, the myth, the monotone

Bree Sharp howling about wanting David Duchovny. A girl after my own heart. I spent many a night imagining myself alone in a cold room with Fox Mulder and his bottom lip.

The other great thing about this song is that she sings about watching The X-Files on Friday nights like a true fan. I was once one of those people...then Chris Carter got greedy and the show became more wretched than a public port-o-potty at Woodstock ‘99.

Song: Forgot About Dre
Artist: Dr. Dre featuring Eminem
Album: 2001

Did ya'll think I'm gonna let my dough freeze /
Ho Please /
You better bow down on both knees

Dre makes a comeback and has a nice message for all the haters: “fuck y’all, all y’all.” Enough said. I also thought this song would give me some street cred. Word, bitches!

Song: Hey Jupiter
Artist: Tori Amos
Album: Boys For Pele

No one’s picking up the phone /
Guess it’s me and me

Tori Amos once said that a ghost sang this song to her when she was involved in a love triangle. I tend to get a sense of unease and alienation when I listen to it.

Tori Amos writes the most eccentrically sexual lyrics and is totally trippy. Case in point: the inside album artwork features her breast feeding a piglet. Not really a fan of her new stuff, but Boys For Pele, Little Earthquakes and Under The Pink remain some of my favorite albums to this day.

Song: Jimmy
Artist: The Living End
Album: Modern ARTillery

Jimmy told of those who were jaded /
Their colors had faded /
Like they didn’t belong

“Jimmy” is a great song about struggle and injustice that you can totally rock out to.

The Living End is a great Australian band that can be found where Rockabilly and Punk intersect. Think Brian Setzer meets Green Day. They also happen to be an amazing live band. I got to see them at the Roxy about five years ago and they were brilliant. Their new album is due out in the states soon.

Song: Joe
Artist: The Cranberries
Album: To The Faithful Departed

I still recall you /
I see you in the summer

A really sweet and simple song that Dolores O Riordan penned about her grandfather. My grandfather’s name was Joseph and I’d see him in the summer. He died when I was eleven.

Song: Joey
Artist: Concrete Blonde
Album: Bloodletting

I know you’ve heard it all before /
So I don’t say it anymore /
I just stand by and let you fight your secret war

I always thought this song was about alcoholism. Then this guy I used to know once proposed that this song was about being in the closet and that Joey was really a girl. He was full of shit.

Johnette Napolitano herself said that the song was about Wall Of Voodoo’s Marc Moreland, who died in 2002 of complications from a liver transplant. “That was the last vocal on that album, and I had to write the words in the cab on the way to the studio. I knew I had a lot to express in that song and it was very painful to do so. I put it off until the very last minute.”

I can listen to “Joey” 100 times consecutively and never get sick of it. I love Concrete Blonde so much in fact that I had to break the rules of the mix tape challenge by using three of their songs. Read on.

Song: Me & Julio Down By The Schoolyard
Artist: Paul Simon
Album: Paul Simon

Well I’m on my way /
I don’t know where I’m going /
I’m on my way /
I’m taking my time but I don’t know where

Truman Capote said this song was about a homosexual experience in the schoolyard. But Paul Simon said that he has no idea what it was that mama saw.

Regardless, this song has a great sound, rhythm and is still the best song to whistle to. Ever.

Song: Mr. Bojangles (Cover)
Artist: Nina Simone
Album: Here Comes The Sun

He spoke with tears of 15 years of how his dog and him just traveled about /
His dog up and died, he up and died, and after 20 years he still grieves

Two words: Nina Simone. God, she was good. Her cover of Dylan’s Mr. Bojangles breaks my heart every single time I listen to it. It’s one of the sweetest bittersweet songs ever recorded.

Song: Mr. Jones
Artist: Counting Crows
Album: August And Everything After

Believe in me /
Help me believe in anything /
‘Cause I want to be someone who believes

In the nineties, there was a rumor circulating that Mr. Jones was really about Adam Duritz’s penis. I was never really sure what the song was about, but I knew I loved it.

Mr. Jones is about Adam Duritz’s friend and former bandmate, Marty Jones, with whom he shared his dreams of stardom. The cool thing is when the Counting Crows play Mr. Jones live these days, Adam Duritz changes the lyrics because he no longer wants what he once did now that he’s achieved it.

Song: Tea For Tillerman
Artist: Cat Stevens
Album: Tea For Tillerman

Seagulls sing your hearts away /
'Cause while the sinners sin, the children play

If you’ve never seen “Harold and Maude,” I feel sorry for you. Really, really sorry for you. This song clocks in at 1:01, but it’s basically just the tip of the iceberg. Cat Stevens at his best.

Song: Vincent
Artist: Don McLean
Album: American Pie

Starry, starry night /
portraits hung in empty halls /
Frameless heads on nameless walls /
with eyes that watch the world and can't forget

My fifth grade teacher was sort of obsessed with Vincent Van Gogh. So much so that he once put together a slide show of all of Van Gogh’s most famous art work and played this song to it. Of course, this was in 1989, when you actually had to manually set up the slides, synch up the tape recorder with the slide projector and forward the slides by hand. Suffice to say, the song made an impact.

It’s a beautiful song written, sung and performed by Don McLean that’s as close to a love song about people who were misunderstood and ahead of their time as you’re going to get. McLean’s lyrics are so descriptive that you can almost see the paintings as he sings and it’ll break your heart each time.

Song: What’s The Frequency, Kenneth?
Artist: R.E.M.
Album: Monster

I was brain-dead, locked out, numb, not up to speed /
I thought I'd pegged you an idiot's dream /
Tunnel vision from the outsider’s screen

In 1986, CBS news anchor Dan Rather was walking down Park Avenue in Manhattan, when some guy punched him from behind and threw him to the ground. The guy beat and kicked him while yelling "Kenneth, what is the frequency?"

Turned out that Rather’s assailant, William Tager, believed that “the media had him under surveillance and were beaming hostile messages to him.” Tager ended up killing an NBC stagehand in 1994 outside the Today Show studio and is now serving a 25 year sentence in prison.

I have no idea what Michael Stipe says half the time, but it still makes me want to sing along.

Check back with us soon for the rest of our list...Nick's boys, my girls. If you think you can do better, e-mail us or post a comment. Otherwise, obey.