Snap Judgment: Sleuth, Spoof, Woof

Time to make the donuts! Hit me, IMDB Now Playing man...



Freedomland (mystery/thriller, rated R, directed by Joe Roth, written by Richard Price)

Doesn't the poster make it seem like they're looking for aliens? I think a movie about Samuel L. Jackson hunting aliens would be great. He'd be like, "Don't drip your green plasma goo on my leg and tell me it's rainin', motherfucker! Tell me where the damn ship's at!" But then later he'd easily switch over to a laid back improv style and trade some witty batter about alien technology with some scientist dude. Yes, I think I'd see that movie. But trade all that fun stuff for a bunch of shots of Julianne Moore looking concerned? I realize that she tends to view her movies as a perpetual Mardi Gras in terms of toplessness, but it's going to take a lot more than that to convince me.


Date Movie (parody, rated PG13, written and directed by Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer)

Is it possible to say anything funny about a comedy that spoofs other comedies? Probably not. But at least the rest of you can make fun of me for admitting that I'm thinking about seeing this -- and perhaps attempting to drag Eti -- just because it stars Alyson Hannigan.


Eight Below (snowy adventure, rated PG, directed by Frank Marshall, written by David DiGilio)

Inspired by a true story, eh? Isn't that the most ingenious phrase ever invented? Because anything can inspire a story. Here's an example. It was cold this morning when I was walking up the street to my building. I bundled up with my coat. I saw someone walking a dog. I remembered how snowy it gets in the winter in Boston. Voila. Now I can make the exact same movie and say it was also inspired by a true story. Except mine won't have the words "Amazing," "Disney," or "Paul Walker" anywhere on the poster. And by the way, is it just me or is the dog on Paul's left kind of making eyes at him?