Snap Judgment: Do they still, like, make movies anymore?

Because I'm not 100% sure at this point. Isn't Snakes on a Plane the only movie coming out this year? It sort of seems to be. And until they finally come out with MYSPACE: THE MOVIE, I kind of doubt there will be much else for the moviegoing (i.e., 14-17 year old) crowd to talk about.

But let's just take a look at what the studios are passing off as releases, you know, for the hell of it.



Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby (comedy, rated PG-13, directed by Adam McKay, written by Adam McKay & Will Ferrell)

Finally, a comedy to really skewer that NASCAR crowd. Except, you know, I'm guessing the NASCAR crowd are going to be the first ones in line. And I can imagine the post-film conversations at middle American Starbucks that are likely to arise. "Now, ya see there, Clem, that Anchorman guy there was doin' what's known as an ironic re-pre-sen-ta-tion of a real NASCAR driver, on account of all of us here know that in real life they's all serious athletes. But now, what makes it funny is the cognitive dissonance betwixt the reality we's all seein' on our Fox Sports Network and the al-ter-na-tive reality what's bein' represented to us via this here movin' picture." "Well, ah see yer point there, Trey, but ah still find mahself disturbed by the crass commercialization that -- WHAT THE CONSARN HELL YA CALL THIS THING, YA INBRED BASTARD, AH ASKED FOR A ONE PUMP MOCHA! ARE YA HOPIN' TA DEVELOP REAL ESTATE ON MAH THIGHS OR WHAT? JESUS MARY AND THA OTHER ONE, AH'VE A MIND TO KEY YER F-150!" You know, before the inevitable Truffaut vs. Fellini debate starts up.


The Descent (horror, rated R, written/directed by Neil Marshall)

Sure, it's about caves and darkness and being buried alive and devoured by deformed humanoid cannibal monsters, but it's also a chick flick! They're going to make money hand over fist with this one. Except they forgot to work the word "Wedding" into the title. Oops. Well, you know, the British aren't as marketing-savvy as we are. I'm sure that can be corrected in the inevitable American remake, Creatures Devouring People in a Cave Wedding With Pirates And, Uh, Also Some Snakes On Planes Because We Hear That's The Big Thing These Days And Let's Make Sure We Get At Least One Sean Paul Song On The Soundtrack.


The Night Listener (drama, rated R, directed by Patrick Stettner, written by Armistead Maupin, Terry Anderson & Patrick Stettner, from the book by Armistead Maupin)

I don't think I heard of this movie before today, but it's not surprising because it was just about time for Robin Williams's contractually obligated Take Me Seriously As A Dramatic Actor movie. I'm not sure if David Duchovny's House of D counted toward that total or not, since I think there's some kind of penalty or half-credit involved when Williams plays mentally challenged and/or prematurely aged roles. Anyway. It appears they tossed Rory Culkin into this one too, which gives us a nice opportunity to reflect on the fact that he's totally surpassed his older sibling what's-his-name in pretty much every arena except dating Mila Kunis. And since Rory is only a year away from turning 18, I'm sure it won't be long before some other fetishized TV actress scoops him up and whisks him off to the tabloids with her. Amanda Bynes, perhaps?