Not-so-Snap Judgment: STOP! WAIT! THERE'S STILL TIME!

Well, this is the first time today I've been able to get into Blogger to post, and I know there's not much time to warn the populace before they go out and spend hard-earned, -borrowed, or -stolen money on any of these films. So here I go.



Invincible (football, rated PG, directed by Ericson Core, written by Brad Gann)

Gah! Not another one of those movies about a giant football-playing former rapper terrorizing a small town. Spread the word, kid-running-through-the-streets! Before that monster subjects the entire village to his bizarre cover of "Walk on the Wild Side"!

Also: you can't call a movie "Invincible" and not put the seminal Pat Benatar song "Invincible (Theme from The Legend of Billy Jean)" on the soundtrack. It's in the rules. Seriously. You can check.

Idlewild (musical, I guess; rated R, written/directed by Bryan Barber)

INT. HBO FILMS OFFICES - DAY

An uncertain receptionist cautiously enters Executive's office.

Receptionist: Um, the guy who directed the "Hey Ya!" video is here to see you. I don't believe he has an appointment.
Executive: No way! I freaking love that video! Send that dude in. Have you offered him a drink?
Receptionist: Yeah, he asked for an old-fashioned Coca-Cola in a glass bottle with that 1940's sepia-toned look to it. I checked the fridge but I don't think we have that.
Executive: Well, find it.
Receptionist: I don't know where--
Executive: FIND THAT MOTHERFUCKING SEPIA TONED COCA-COLA BOTTLE OR IT'S YOUR FUCKING JOB!
Receptionist: Of... of course.
Executive: And tell him he can have $15 million to make his movie.
Receptionist: Do you want to see him?
Executive: Nah, I don't really have time. I'm already 53 hours late for my lunch with what's-his-name. Take the $15 million from petty cash.
Receptionist: Um, okay.

The receptionist walks back out.

Receptionist: Mr. Barber, I've been told to tell you you can have $15 million to make your movie.
Bryan Barber: Are you shitting me? I just came in here to ask for a copy of last week's Entourage. My Tivo's been out of whack.
Receptionist: Hold on and I'll get you your money.
Bryan Barber: Goddamn! I can make whatever the hell kind of movie I want! Like when Eddie Murphy got to do Harlem Nights! In fact, shit, I'll make something just like that! Now where's my Jazz Age fuckin' Coca-Cola bottle already?

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And that's all I have time for. I doubt the rest are anything to write home about either, but I guess bring a pre-stamped postcard along just in case they are.