Silent, But Deadly

On Monday, Nick informs me that we received an e-mail from some girl at a PR firm that handles America’s Next Top Model and that they have special inside stuff for bloggers and asking if were we interested. My reaction: Are you serious? Is this some sort of delayed April Fools joke?

Apparently, Nick wasn’t kidding. We really did get an email from a girl named Chelsea over at mPRm Public Relations, who was nice enough to contact us and bring us into the semi-exclusive bloggers club. This included special sneak peaks of the week’s episode, photo links, information on upcoming episodes AND a conference call with the week’s Eliminee.

I should say that we now refer to all correspondence from Chelsea as CHELSEA MAIL! So, much thanks Chelsea and here we go.


America's Next Top Model

On America’s Next Top Model this week, the girls were given a “lesson” on how to behave and handle themselves in interviews by some Vanity Fair jackass named George Wayne. Ugh, George was so hateful. And boy, did he uncover some shocking truths. The revelation that Danielle might have had trouble spelling “cantankerous” is bound to set the world of journalism on its ears. Just give him the goddamn Pulitzer right now.

They didn’t even need coaching. All they had to do was remember Janice’s golden words of wisdom, “We don’t rat out our bitches!”

Jade’s mom’s fluffing apparently made Jade kind of psychic. Jade was doing this little mock-judging, with her playing the role of Tyra, of course. Nnenna and Furonda were “acting” as if they were the girls in the bottom two. When Jade flipped over what I can only imagine is her poetry notebook, it was Furonda’s picture. That’s sort of beyond foreshadowing, I’d say...even if it was editing.

Danielle got her gap fixed. But they didn’t really close it completely. If you people out there love Danielle and Joanie like we do, then your thought process was like, “Where was Joanie? Danielle sat with Joanie at Dr. Falcon’s office until three in the morning! Why wasn’t Joanie with Danielle?” However, upon subsequent viewing of the episode, I have to say that Joanie was there, because you can kind of see the elbow of her little reddish/pinking hoodie on the desk when Danielle and Falcon were looking at the before and after pictures of the gap on the computer screen. Damn you, editing. Either way, I had nightmares about being at the dentist after the episode aired.

As always, Danielle rocks. But the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because Danielle’s momma rocks too. And I quote, “Uh-huh, remember the girl from Texas...did not want her hair cut because she loved her hair.” Shout out to self-admitted sociopath Cassandra!

Sara is talking to her boyfriend, something about commitment, blah, blah. But check it out, Sara is wearing her blue “I jogged with Chip and Pepper” t-shirt. The first Tyra mail in Thailand was read by Sara: “I know it’s tough being around so many girls....so get some tail.” Sara finishes reading it and says, “I wish.” And when the girls show up to the floating market to do the mermaid shoot, Joanie is wearing Sara’s t-shirt. Hmmm.

Let’s take a minute and flash back to season 2 of the OC:

Marissa: So, what do you want to do today?

Alex: Well, are you ready for that surf lesson?

Marissa: Yes! Awesome! Oh wait, do you have another shirt I can borrow? ‘Cause this one kind
of smells like cigarettes?

And...scene!

Anyway, the girls went to Thailand. Let’s take some time for some Joanie love:

When they found out they’re going to Thailand, Joanie said, “I’ve only been to Canada.”

Joanie using duct tape to pack her stuff.

Joanie massaging Jade. Okay, not so awesome, but for the first time ever, being Jade wouldn’t have been so bad.

“My boobs were falling out. I would’ve been extremely embarrassed if the boobs fell out.”

And this one’s for Nick...as always, Joanie in glasses.

I did enjoy Furonda saying that the harness was hurting her “womanly space.”

Let's enjoy some more Danielle and Joanie:

As predicted by Jade, Furonda and Nnenna were in the bottom two and Nnenna was sent a’ packing.

On Thursday, Nick and I phoned into the conference call. Not much to say about Nnenna, except that she seemed to be a lot like she was on the show; sort of monotone, but maybe that’s just the way she is. I was a little pissed that everyone was sort of kissing her ass. A few too many people were drinking the “I was so shocked you were eliminated” Kool-Aid, if you ask us.

Nick asked her if there was anything filmed that didn’t make it to air that she wished would have. (Props to Rossanna for coming up with the question.) She said that she was a person who was “easily amused,” that her work nickname is “Smiley,” and that a lot of times when she was laughing at Brooke it was because of something the Jays said. Basically, she was saying that the editing sort of made it look worse than it really was. Which, is completely and totally plausible.

When asked who she was rooting for from the remaining girls, Nnenna said that she was rooting for everyone and that they were all great girls. Yes, a very nice and coached answer indeed. At least Nnenna did not rat out her bitches.

It was an interesting experience and we can’t wait to see what happens next.


The Apprentice

Finally, a worthy episode! Moreover, a worthy episode with incestuous undertones. Well, okay, that’s a bit of a stretch, but Donald Jr. and Ivanka were Trump’s eyes and ears this week and when Trump asked Ivanka how things were this week, she gave a big smile and said “it was fun with my brother this time, as well.” Don’t get me wrong, I love Carolyn, but Ivanka is totally likeable.

The task this week was to create a souvenir limited edition tourist program/brochure for the Ellis Island national park. I really hope The Apprentice’s float design days are over.

In the end, Andrea was sent home because she can’t play well with others. I’m happy she got the boot because she’s sort of obnoxious and the way she says her S-es pierce my ears like no other. On the other hand, I think her team totally shot themselves in the foot. Plus, she cried.

Scrubs

I don’t normally talk about Scrubs because there’s not much to say about a show that’s already awesome, but this week’s episode was totally great.

The return of Nicole Sullivan is always worthwhile. Besides them killing her off, I was a bit miffed that they didn’t give her any scenes with Elliot, because watching the deluge of neuroticism play out is always brilliant.

And rabies?!! No one’s even mentioned rabies since The Goonies in 1985! Remember, when they move the rock and the bats attack? Martha Plimpton screams, “Rabies! Rabies!”

Nick tells me that TiVo tells him that Cox hits the bottle next week.


The Sopranos

Sort of boring. Nothing happening. Do I really care if Lauren Bacall gets punched in the face? Wasn’t it bad enough watching her struggle through the Oscars?

After the Sopranos ends, I have to quickly change the channel before I can watch one of the best songs in the world being butchered by the opening credits of Big Love, so I changed the channel and ended up watching Intervention.

DOWNER.

Think you’ve got it bad? Maybe you should watch a chick binge, stick her toothbrush down her throat, puke into a Ziploc bag, hide it in her closet for a week so her husband doesn’t find out, repeat this for every meal over the week, then collect an assortment of puke-filled Ziplocs at the end of the week in one big garbage bag and then find a bin down the road to throw it in.


Veronica Mars

Maybe the narrator last year didn’t have enough fun with “WHO RAPED VERONICA MARS?” and this year wants to up the stakes with “WHO GAVE VERONICA MARS CHLAMYDIA?”

In case you weren’t confused enough with the 80 questions floating around this season, you can now add another.

Like I said last week, let’s keep an eye out on this Lucky dude, because he’s obviously in the know about some important stuff. Okay, and can I just say that I really, really don’t like seeing the post-plastic surgery Steve Guttenberg in a wife beater.

How sad was the stuff between Logan and Veronica? But I must not dwell, so let's discus how much I want this jacket.