Snap Judgment: Which is safer, the White House or a creepy demon world?

Eti has passed the SJ hat back to me, so let's see what's being inflicted on our feeble minds this weekend. IMDB, would you like to do the honors?



Silent Hill (horror/videogame adaptation, rated R, directed by Christophe Gans, written by Christophe Gans, Roger Avary, and Nicolas Boukhrief)

It's a sad commentary on the state of childcare in America that a mother can't keep an eye on her daughter long enough to prevent her from slipping into a hell-dimension underworld place. I mean, when I was this girl's age, a kid couldn't even slip into the Atari aisle at Toys R Us without an eagle-eyed parent hot on his or her trail. But the only babysitters children have these days are MySpace, iPod Nanos, and Yu-Gi-Oh. Where's the accountability there? I once had a babysitter who made popcorn on the stove without permission (because, yes, this was before microwave popcorn existed) and was summarily dismissed from any future babysitting duties when my parents returned home. So you can imagine how pissed they would have been if the girl had taken me into a torch-lit dungeon and tried to transfer my soul into some demon spawn. I'll tell you one thing, there sure wouldn't have been any offers of take-home Chips Ahoy in a ziploc bag.



The Sentinel (thriller, rated PG-13, directed by Clark Johnson, screenplay by George Nolfi from the novel by Gerald Petievich)

So, we all heard about Kiefer Sutherland signing with Fox for another 3 years of 24 and becoming, technically, the highest-paid TV actor in history. Naturally, that kind of job security doesn't come cheap. He's probably got that "Don't Forget, You're Here Forever" plaque up in his trailer, except it's from Rupert Murdoch instead of Mr. Burns. So, if Fox wants him to star in a movie that's essentially a special 2-hour 24 with slightly better guest actors, he can throw all the tantrums he wants but he better show up at his call time. Speaking of which, here are some Kiefer stories, courtesy of Defamer, that are likely to be more interesting than this movie. This one. Or this one. Or even this one. Of course, it's no coincidence that Michael Douglas was in on this film. No doubt he's achieved legendary crazy-ego-handling status in the years since The Ghost and the Darkness, wherein he successfully kept Val Kilmer's Kilmer-ness to a dull roar. But the real winner here is Eva Longoria, who somehow managed to make the jump from a Touchstone-produced show to a serious big-screen movie without being forced into a role in some kind of Disney movie involving either wacky Christmas antics or human beings turning into animals.



American Dreamz (comedy/satire, rated PG-13, written/directed by Paul Weitz)

Movies that aggressively promote themselves as wicked satires, how do I love thee? Let me watch Death to Smoochy and count the ways. On the plus side: Paul Weitz's next movie is called "Another Bullshit Night in Suck City." Even if that one's lame too, the Snap Judgment practically writes itself.