TV Rots Your Brain...And Sometimes Your Stomach

Hey kids, it’s time for yet another obligatory TV post, where I sort of tell you what happened this past week or so while I bitch and post pictures.

The L Word

Dana. Fucking. Died.

Erin Daniels, I’ll miss you.

But man, did Leisha Hailey fucking rock that hospital death scene. It was definitely the saddest use of “You Are My Sunshine” since “Beaches.” And quite possibly the saddest use of a song in a death scene since the Whoopi Goldberg and Mary-Louise Parker sang “You Got It” to a piano in “Boys On the Side.”

Ilene Chaiken and I are going to have some serious words! That is, as soon as I recover from my catatonic state of depression and pick myself off the bathroom floor.

Anyway, this week Alice stole some of Dana’s ashes and scattered them at Dana’s former summer tennis camp. Flashbacks galore. Then Lara came home from Paris and made out with Alice in Dana’s house. And thus the show ended.*

Season finale on Sunday. Promo here...

* And if you’re actually interested, Shane proposed to Carmen, who eventually said yes. There’s also some stuff going on with Bette and Tina, Jenny and Max/Moira, Helena and Dylan, Kit and Angus, and the rest of the characters who I don’t care about.


The Sopranos

I can’t talk about The Sopranos because Nick is still playing catch up, but I will say that I really enjoyed the premiere. I also enjoyed last night’s episode, which was basically a testament to the brilliance of Edie Falco. It was also strange to see Tony Soprano sans Jersey mob boss accent.

David Chase and company are setting us up big time.


The Apprentice

“We all over the place. We have no theme. We have nothing. Nobody know what’s going on! Task was creating corporate retreat presenting Chevy Tahoe. And instead they get booze...they get comedian...horse with a carriage. Theresa’s brain so small she can’t even understand. I wish, you know, her brain was bigger than her boobs.”

Thank. You. Lenny.

There were also scenes involving sharks and really big Carolyn hair!

Oh yeah, and did you know George is Jewish? Next you’re going to tell me that Trump wants to “date” his daughter or some crazy shit like that.


Veronica Mars

Kristen vs. Kristin

Attempting to not swallow the throw up in my own mouth while watching Laguna Beach a few months ago, I asked myself, “can Kristin suck any more than she already does?” The answer, sadly, is yes.

Jesus Christ, playing a tv lesbian is enough to redeem anyone’s heinous acting (see Mischa Barton and plastic Barbie hands).

Clearly, this rule does not apply to Kristin Cavalleri.

Props to Kristen Bell who’s already had to endure Paris Hilton, Kim Stolz and Naima Mora. (I’m sure Nick will have something to say since I mentioned Kim.)

Despite the wretched misery that was “Kylie” and lack of Wallace, Veronica Mars failed to disappoint.

At this point, it’s still anybody’s guess as to who was responsible for the bus crash. Right now, I’m blaming Naima. Mostly for shits and giggles...and to segue into the next show...


America’s Next Top Model

This past week’s episode was rather enjoyable. Furonda handed out some weird ass rules as to how to deal with her. Jade was such a cunt, that lightening it up with the “See You Next Tuesday” thing would be a compliment. And Mollie Sue was able to pull off the Rosemary’s Baby cut.

But no one does it like Potes, so I won’t even try.