Woe is me. Woe is us. Just fucking woe.

I’m rather depressed and not sure why. I haven’t been able to eat in over a week, which is fine, because anxiety and depression make for a very effective diet. If I can manage to lose 30 pounds, grow four inches and shave about 6 years off my age over the next couple of weeks, I’m totally applying for the next cycle of America’s Next Top Model. But I digress.

I guess it could be the occasional subconscious life depression thing that happens from time to time for no apparent reason. Or maybe, more plausibly, it’s because the end of May sweeps is such a fucking downer.

Whatever it is, it totally sucks.

May sweeps has always felt like the last few days of school. You’re finally where you wanted to be all year. Time to reap the big pay off for all your hard work and dedication. It’s the warm carefree week in spring you’ve been waiting for since day one. You’re glad it’s over, but it sort of really fucking hurts. What the hell are you going to do with yourself all summer?

Browsing TiVo’s "To Do List" last week made my stomach turn. It reminded me of fipping through the yearbook on the last day of junior year and getting prematurely nostalgically depressed. If Enya’s Caribbean Blue was playing and I had some razors, I imagine it would’ve all been over.

Here’s the TiVo equivalent of my high school yearbook:

The OC, Scrubs, Lost, The Apprentice, etc.

The amusing friends who will be around next year, the year after that and probably long after you’ve graduated.

Chaotic

The slutty girl you thought would be fun to try to hang out with, if only to have amusing stories to tell your friends, but after like 10 minutes, realized you’d made a really BIG mistake.

Veronica Mars

The really hot kid you’re totally crushing on and are SO glad you’ll be seeing in a few months. You think about them all summer and they're the reason for your new haircut and back to school clothes shopping.

America’s Next Top Model

The show in general is kind of like observing cheerleading practice as you’re walking towards the softball field. You're simultaneously disgusted and mesmerized.

Except for Kahlen, who was like that really fun senior you used to hang out with when you were a junior, but then she graduated and went off to some out of state college. Sure, there'll be new people, but it won't be the same.

Dead Like Me

The really awesome friend who totally understood your sense of humor and sarcasm. But then, their parents decided to move and yanked them out of school. You didn’t even have a chance to say goodbye until it was too late. How fitting.

I think it's time to start reading more. I wonder if my high school yearbook is suitable book club material?