Judgment. Snap Judgment.

Yes, it's once again been a while since I've been able to do this allegedly weekly feature, but I couldn't abandon it today given the significance of one of today's releases.

You know the movie I'm talking about. I've been on pins and needles close to 4 years waiting for this one. The early news about it was mixed, but now that it's out everyone and their sister is falling all over themselves talking about how great it is. Frankly, it's pretty much the only movie of the year, as far as I'm concerned. Don't even try to stop me from seeing it tonight. Or tomorrow. Or probably another dozen times or so.

I am referring, of course, to the film featuring perhaps the greatest tuxedoed character in cinematic history. So here we go...


Happy Feet (animation, rated PG, directed by George Miller, written by Warren Coleman, John Collee, Judy Morris and George Miller)

YEAH!!! Seriously, you have NO IDEA how stoked I am to see some CGI dancing penguins under the expert supervision of the director of Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome. Those are some bad-ass flightless fuzzy birds, let me tell you. Did you see March of the Penguins? Remember how they busted out that penguin-fu when that bird comes and tries to steal the baby penguin? Well, okay, in that context "penguin-fu" sort of meant "making some noise and running away." But with the benefit of artistic license, I have no doubt that the dude who made Mel Gibson a household name can really turn these guys into the superstars they were always destined to be.

Anyway, on to the movie I sort of might see if I have a lot of extra time and am really, really bored and somehow stumble onto a free ticket.



Casino Royale (rated PG-13, directed by Martin Campbell, written by Neil Purvis, Robert Wade, and Paul Haggis)

Oh, I kid. Frankly I don't even know how to make fun of this, unless "I'm seeing it in 5 hours and I feel like that's way too long to wait" counts as a joke. (Well, that might count as a joke on, say, Best Week Ever, but that's also why you won't find that show on my Tivo.) Anyhoo, yes, your eyes deceiveth you not; that is Paul Haggis's name on the film. Yes, the Crash and Million Dollar Baby Haggis. Will the film now end with M administering a merciful euthanasia on Bond and telling her that 007 means "my darling, my blood"? Or will Bond be forced to confront the roots of his racism after rescuing someone from a near-fatal collision with his Aston Martin? Or maybe the breathtaking opening sequence will feature [note to self: insert joke drawn from the fact that Haggis was once a writer on Facts of Life. Perhaps borrow DVDs from Eti.]. In any case, I'm just happy that the producers seem to have refrained, in this installment, from putting any esteemed British stage actors in bionic suits or, well, doing anything involving the words "Halle" or "Berry." Those are some promising steps forward, right there.